Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
