apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
