you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
