Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
