Don't make out with my wife yet
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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