you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
