he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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