Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
