it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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