Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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