ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
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