really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
