I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
