textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
