god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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