So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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