Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
