Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
