But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
