I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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