Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
