i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
