Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
