just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
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I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I believe in your delicious
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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