it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
