so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
