i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
