If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize