You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
