I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
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Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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