The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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