I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
