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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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