you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
