I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
