Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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