Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
