oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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