I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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