Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize