I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
