do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
