Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
