Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
