look no pants
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
