no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
