I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
