The maid of honor just puked.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
