If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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