Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Alive.
So much puke
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
