Plan B is the new Plan A
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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