hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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