i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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