dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
