9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
