can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
