I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
