If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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