im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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