why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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