Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
