singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
