The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
