I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
