Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
