There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
