Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
