I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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