He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
