I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
