im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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