We're facebook friends in real life
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
