When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
