its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't put those talents on a resume
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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