he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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