I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
