The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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