I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Do vagina's smell?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
