Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
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I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
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i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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