hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
