I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
