my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The adults are the big ones right?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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