P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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