why didn't you poke me back
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
