Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
